My Day

Hi my name is Agnija and I want to introduce myself through my daily schedule. Yes to start with I’m struggling! mentally! Dealing with OCD, Bipolar Disorder, and borderline personality disorder. I would like to share what I feel whole day. It is very difficult for me to battle OCD because it is not a very simple illness. It takes a lot of guts to come out in public and not care about the thoughts that you get specially when you are having harm OCD. How does it feel when you have OCD it feels like you want to kill them, kill them all , you want to kill yourself you want to kill everything around yourself. You visualise this all day and you end up crying. How many of you are suffering from OCD ? You are not alone. I am here with you. When I enter the washroom I feel like I can’t step on the floor because it is wet. So to avoid all the drama I switch off the light I pretend that it is dry I wear my slippers and I enter the washroom. So how many of you have faced a similar situation where you wanted to run away from something and that is why you ended up doing something that will make you feel better. Is it even a crime or it is just our way of dealing with things? Along with it comes bipolar disorder and Borderline personality Disorder so it’s all messed up. This is my first blog regarding what I face everyday if any of you relate to this you can personally message me and we can talk about it. But if you actually have intrusive thoughts or images or videos playing on your mind please immediately visit a doctor and get help. You deserve all the happiness in the world and for that you need to take care of yourself ,save yourself and love yourself. I won’t be able to talk about bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder in one single blog. So I will be talking about OCD only in this particular blog. ACCORDING TO ME OCD is basically obsessive compulsive disorder. There are obsessions there are compulsions and combined it gives rise to a disorder which is not a disorder it is us very much us a part of us. For example I am obsessed with my people getting harmed and dying and I feel that is all happening because of me that is why I harm myself and harming myself is a part of a compulsion, I also sometimes pour hot water on myself so that I can punish myself for thinking bad about my close people for example when someone goes out I feel that ,that person will be dead or get murdered and the entire video plays on my mind, therefore I do some rituals like harming myself this is just one example of OCD. So basically obsessive compulsive disorder has two parts one is obsessions or emotions, negative emotions and the compulsions is exactly what we do to avoid those obsessions coming into our minds. I am been taking therapy for quite a long time and now I know my illness. I am still trying to figure out how I can fix this or how I can avoid those compulsions and stay with those obsessions and deal with it. I am not someone who can give any information regarding this particular disease neither can internet give you the accurate information regarding OCD. Therefore it will be best if you ask a mental health specialist regarding this particular disorder. In this blog I have just expressed myself how I feel about the particular disease and not exactly how the disease is. So read it and emphasize according to my state and please don’t compare to anyone else or with yourself because your case is unique and different. That’s all about my first blog regarding my mental health my day in OCD by OCD about OCD.